Big Hands

When I was a child, walking with my father, he always held my hand. My father's hand was so warm, so secure, so big....it enveloped my small hand with a love that told me he would always take care of me. Today, I truly miss that feeling of knowing my father would take care of me no matter what difficulties lay ahead of me in life. I could really use that security and strength...knowing that all would be well in the end.

Well, strange...but sometimes actions speak louder than memories....

Recently, I had a somewhat surreal experience. My family and I attended the evening service at our local church. As I was standing next to my oldest Aspie son, he took my hand as we together prayed the Our Father.

"When did his hand grow larger than my own?

When did his strength replace my doubt?

When did the hour glass turn over?"

I was filled with a myriad of emotions.
Concern became security....fear became strength....sadness became joy...and my love was buffered by a great sense of pride.

After this gifted time, I met up with a fellow teacher and dear friend. It was a time of doubt and concern (again)...as we were beginning a new school year...a time frocked with upheaval and stress. This very talented and loving woman has witnessed our sons' trials and accomplishments through the years. She told me a short story that involved our oldest Aspie son.

Over the summer, this teacher and friend was at the local airport seeing off her daughter, son-in-law and baby grandson while I was flying to a conference. Our oldest son, who loves kids, went directly to the baby and started entertaining. Once I boarded my flight, my husband and sons left the airport. This friend's daughter commented to her mother that our son could not be the one with Asperger's Syndrome. The friend told her daughter that it was and hadn't he come so very far in his short life.....the daughter was dumbfounded.

The hour glass has turned.....
            and what strength I feel in.....
                           holding my son's hand...
...knowing that all would be well in the end.